We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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