Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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