Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
