I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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