I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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