well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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