Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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