You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
