there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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