apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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