you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
