Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
