as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
