Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
