She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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