I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
