he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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