You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
