I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
