I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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