shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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