I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
