Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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