if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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