walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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