I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
