Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
