Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
