he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
