Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
