chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
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If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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