Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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