i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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