I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
