The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
