maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
