This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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