I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
