And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
