Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
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I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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