mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
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well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
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I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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