i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
