there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
