How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
