All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
