My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
