note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
