are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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