So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
