I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
