Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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