Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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