We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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