Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I will be naked everywhere
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
