I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
