He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
