she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
