The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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