It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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