eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
