woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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