Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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