Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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